Archive for September, 2012

“Blue Meanies” written January, 1981

Posted: September 26, 2012 in Poetry

“Blue Meanies”

Aspects of the mind

Confusion as a barrier

The disillusion one man can create

Something in the way he thinks

Decides a question unknown

But the answer is an act of violence

 

Aspects of the heart

Emotions as a sign

The disillusion one man can create

Something in the way she thinks

Acts as a bond of love

Holding on desperately to reality

 

Aspects of the soul

Heaven as a destination

The disillusion one man can create

Something in the way he thought

Helped bring peace and love to a generation

And lets him live eternally

In the hearts and the eyes of the world.

 

Betty, Age 14, January, 1981

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The Constant

Posted: September 26, 2012 in Music
Tags: ,

There has been one constant in my life.  An entity that has always been. They have been there through all of my trials and tribulations, my heartaches and disappointments, and my triumphs. They are four regular guys, “working class heroes” if you will. Their names are John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Even their depressing songs bring me great joy like “Eleanor Rigby”, for example. It’s about ‘all the lonely people’, and Eleanor dies alone in the end. I don’t hear all that, I hear those beautiful harmonies and violins. Pure genius. On that horrible night in December, 1980, when John Lennon was murdered, was when I decided to become a writer. I was fourteen years old and the first poem I ever wrote was called, “Blue Meanies”. It was about that horrible night, that horrible no one, and I guess, the ills of the world. I remember that night vividly. I was in my room, my sanctuary from the pains of adolescence, when my brother, who was watching Monday night football when Howard Cossell announced it, came to tell me John Lennon was dead. Immediately I went to the radio and every station, regardless of genre, was playing his music and flashing news reports. What a tragic ending to the life of a brilliant, yet humble man. The next day, I went to school, I was in 8th grade, wearing all black and cradling my small, at the time, collection of Beatles albums. My classmates thought I was weird, but the teachers, the adults, understood. Afterall, it was part of their generation that died that night.

I got into the Beatles quite by accident. I was 10 years old and crazy about the Bay City Rollers, you know, “S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!”. My mother even made me the plaid outfit with suspenders…I was the Bay City Rollers’ number one fan. I was at my Grandmother’s house and she told me my mother had a Bay City Rollers’ album in the big stereo, you know the one that looks like a piece of furniture with the lid on top, everyone had one in the 70’s. She got it for me and Lo and behold, it’s an original copy of “Meet the Beatles”. I was disappointed in a way that it wasn’t the Bay City Rollers. What did my Grandmom know, English/Scottish, all the same to her, she likes Eddy Arnold anyway. I took it home and listened to it and was captivated. In the 70’s there was a big run on Beatles compilation albums, ie: the red and the blue albums complete with red and blue vinyl. My Granny gave me the money to buy them, and that’s how it all started. After John Lennon was killed, they re-released alot of the Beatles albums and John’s solo work, so I bought that, too. Today, my garage is filled with Beatles music and memorabilia. I think half of my wardrobe consists of Beatles and John Lennon t-shirts.  They have always been there for me, my heroes. No matter what was happening in my sometimes tumultuous life, they were there, bringing me comfort with their words and music. In the words of John Lennon, “We all shine on…”

I Have To Start Somewhere

Posted: September 25, 2012 in Life

My sister-in-law said I shouldn’t hide my writing in a box in the garage. That’s exactly what I’ve done with my journals, poetry, short stories, and unfinished novels. In a plastic tub, sitting in the garage, collecting dust. The pages of some of my notebooks are yellow, the ink, smeared and fading. I think it’s time to put my “stuff” out there for people to actually see, read and hopefully enjoy. I’m not saying I haven’t shown my writing to some people, but only close friends and family, not everyone. That’s why I decided, upon the advice of my sister-in-law, Maria, and my therapist…to start this blog. Why I waited until now is beyond me. I guess I’m a “late bloomer” or I was probably too preoccupied with my dysfunctional life…I’ll get to that later.

My name is Elizabeth, my friends and family call me Betty, Bett, or Betty Ann. I’m 46 years old. I’m a nurse, an LPN, I’ve been for 23 years. I specialize in long-term care and sub-acute rehab. I like the career path I’ve chosen. I never furthered my education to become an RN for financial reasons as well as being too preoccupied with my dysfunctional life once again. Besides, I’m a dreamer. I always thought I would write that best seller one day. Can’t do that when the only ambition you have is enough to get out of bed in the morning and go to work, nothing else. I try to have a positive outlook on life. I try to be uplifted. For me, every day is a struggle. I have Bi-Polar disorder. I’ve been in denial for years. I inherited it. I never wanted to use it as a crutch. I went through my entire adolescence and adulthood undiagnosed and improperly medicated.. It cost me jobs, relationships, money, and my health at times. Two years ago, I was finally diagnosed properly. I’m still trying to find the right medication combination to make me feel somewhat human. Living with the stigma of mental illness isn’t easy. How many times I’ve heard from lovers, friends, and coworkers, “you’re crazy”.  Rough, really rough to have that over your head. No one takes you seriously, no matter how much you have to offer. Oh, I could give up my career as a nurse, move in with one of my parents and collect disability, but I refuse to believe that i am handicapped and incapable of fighting this illness. I want to see my therapist and my doctor as much as I need to so I can somewhat tolerate myself and cope with, well, life. So this is the beginning of my blog, I hope it’s insightful and entertaining…