Archive for June, 2013


Posted: June 13, 2013 in Life
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I promised myself I would never fall in love again. I’ve been hurt too many times. Then Valerie came along. I have dated some incredible women lately. Women who are smart, sexy, funny, and somewhat stable. Valerie has stolen my heart, brought me to my knees, stopped me in my tracks. I have quite a few other women interested in me but none of them compares to Valerie. She’s stubborn, has a load of baggage, is emotional, menopausal, dramatic, and somewhat impossible at times yet I find her beautiful, complex, and intriguing. There isn’t a thing about her that I don’t like except her obsession with her ex girlfriend. I don’t claim to know anything about their relationship but an ex girlfriend is an ex girlfriend for a good reason. I’ve been sticking around only because my gut tells me Valerie is in love with me, too, on some level. I listen to her struggle every day but can’t interfere. It would be selfish.
I’ve repeatedly made lists in my head of all of her attributes: I love her laugh, her voice, the smell of her skin and hair, her hands, her perfect body. I love the way she kisses, how excited she makes me with her kisses alone. I could write pages about her. As a matter of fact, I have, in my journal.
What do I have to do to win her heart? I mean, if I haven’t in a way, already. What do I have to do to even get her to spend time with me in person? Win the lottery, wait on her doorstep? I have no clue what to do. Backflips, maybe, or can I just be me and have her fall in love with me for that alone? I think she already has but fear and apprehension are holding her back. She’s paralyzed by her past and waiting for some kind of divine vision that will make things right with her ex girlfriend when so much resentment and damage has already been done between them. I don’t profess to know about their interactions but it’s just typical of most relationships that have ended. Valerie ‘believes’ her ex still has feelings for her. There is no doubt with me. She doesn’t have to just ‘believe’. She would KNOW I’m a sure thing. I wish she would just let me in her heart and give me a chance. I know I’m not perfect but one thing I can do well is love someone. I wish she would let me. She deserves the best part of me.


I’ve tried the bar scene. I’ve met people at work. I even tried personal ads in the PGN. To no avail, all led to pretty much disappointment and heartache. Finally, I decided to try dating web sites on the internet, however that hasn’t been exactly all that successful either. What a bunch of dysfunctional, desperate, and indeed bat-shit crazy people. I’ve met some nice people, don’t get me wrong but it seems the majority of these people on these sites are there to exact some sort of revenge on their ex-girlfriends. To be honest with you, when my partner of 4 1/2 years and I split up, that was the first thing I did, signed up for a dating site. That was so dumb. By no means was I emotionally ready to date. I figured that out on my own without involving someone else in my emotional turmoil. That was in July of 2012. I didn’t sign up for online dating again until I found out my ex partner was with someone else and there was no point in pining over her anymore.
The first woman I actually started talking to in November of 2012 still talks to me to this day but only via text. I had maybe 3 phone calls from her. She is always “busy”, claiming she works a lot. We still have yet to meet in person but she loves me and wants to marry me. I guess she must be my cyber fiancé.
I met a park ranger, she was nice, but that didn’t work out after a couple of dates. I met a junkie who kept nodding off with a lit cigarette in her hand and burnt holes in everything throughout my house. She had terrible insomnia and would clean my house while I was sleeping which was a bonus, I suppose. I met a couple of nice women who became friends only, which is a good thing. You can never have enough friends.
Basically I felt like I was fighting a losing battle and continually striking out. Then I met Valerie…and my little cyber world turned upside down…