Posts Tagged ‘love’

I’ve tried the bar scene. I’ve met people at work. I even tried personal ads in the PGN. To no avail, all led to pretty much disappointment and heartache. Finally, I decided to try dating web sites on the internet, however that hasn’t been exactly all that successful either. What a bunch of dysfunctional, desperate, and indeed bat-shit crazy people. I’ve met some nice people, don’t get me wrong but it seems the majority of these people on these sites are there to exact some sort of revenge on their ex-girlfriends. To be honest with you, when my partner of 4 1/2 years and I split up, that was the first thing I did, signed up for a dating site. That was so dumb. By no means was I emotionally ready to date. I figured that out on my own without involving someone else in my emotional turmoil. That was in July of 2012. I didn’t sign up for online dating again until I found out my ex partner was with someone else and there was no point in pining over her anymore.
The first woman I actually started talking to in November of 2012 still talks to me to this day but only via text. I had maybe 3 phone calls from her. She is always “busy”, claiming she works a lot. We still have yet to meet in person but she loves me and wants to marry me. I guess she must be my cyber fiancé.
I met a park ranger, she was nice, but that didn’t work out after a couple of dates. I met a junkie who kept nodding off with a lit cigarette in her hand and burnt holes in everything throughout my house. She had terrible insomnia and would clean my house while I was sleeping which was a bonus, I suppose. I met a couple of nice women who became friends only, which is a good thing. You can never have enough friends.
Basically I felt like I was fighting a losing battle and continually striking out. Then I met Valerie…and my little cyber world turned upside down…

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Whatever. Not these days, it seems. My mother tells me I’m too old to be ‘lovesick’. Well, if you want to define ‘lovesick’ by today’s standards, I guess I’m feeling a sense of abandonment, I’m not really ‘in love’, just co-dependent. I’ll never understand why people in this world today don’t believe in love anymore. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe it’s the artist and poet in me, but love used to mean something. Now it’s all clouded, corrupted and over-analyzed by society. Society’s sick need to define everything as dysfunctional, diseased, and imperfect. People used to do tremendous things for love. King Edward VIII of England fell in love with Wallis Simpson, an American divorcee, and was not permitted to marry her unless he abdicated the throne of England and lived in exile. Well, guess what, in 1936, he did just that, abdicated the throne and moved to Paris in exile, just to marry the woman he loved. I wish  someone would love me like that. Not to exclude same-sex relationships, Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas met in 1907. They were together at a time when homosexuality was very taboo, but they remained together for 39 years until Stein’s death in 1946. They’re even buried together in Pere La Chaise Cemetery in Paris, France. I wish someone would love me for that long. I think another great love story that society kind of laughed at was John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Despite the controversy surrounding the Beatles break-up, I think John’s love for Yoko and the distraction of that deep love contributed greatly to the Beatles separation. He gave up the greatest rock and roll band of all time to be with Yoko, for love. I wish someone would make that kind of sacrifice for me. Call me a hopeless romantic…I guess all I can do is keep believing and hoping someday love will find me again…