Posts Tagged ‘addiction’

iphone pics 9-19-2013 088                                                                                                                                                                                Welcome to the world of seasonal affective disorder…I’ve been writing & creative, however, I can’t say it’s “uplifting”, but I think we all need an outlet for those dark feelings so they don’t destroy us…

“Dead Things”
October 4, 2013

A calico crab
In pieces
On the sand
Skeleton picked clean
By scavengers
From the sky
Molecular leftovers
For scavengers
On the ground
I put the pieces
Back together
Just for show
Giving the crab
Some dignity in death
A pretty picture
Appearing whole again
Why am I on the beach
Playing with dead things?

***

The Storm
November 9, 2013

Am I in the eye?
Do I fuel it with my heart?
The path of destruction
Is touching everyone,
Not just me.
Selfish to believe
I’m that important.
Swirling, twisting
Winds of random thoughts.
Lies, like paralyzing
Lightning strikes
Thundering, shaking
Souls from the inside out.
Leaving emptiness,
Trust washed away
By the torrential rains.
Hope, like a mudslide,
Oozing away.
There is no stopping
The onslaught
Perhaps only
A small miracle
A glimmer, a spark
Of someone who
Believes in her.

***

The Judge
November 9, 2013

She appeared
From a cyber world
Painting a beautiful
Picture
Like a used car
Salesman
I think I got sold a lemon
It all seemed so good
Caught in a web
Then the retracted
Fangs
Were revealed
The bite, stinging at first,
Superficially healing
But the venom
Lasting effects
Causing doubt
Aspects of my life
Which instill pride
Dismissed as “hobbies”
Acts of romance and kindness
Considered an impulsive
Waste,
Lack of motivation, a worry.
I’m not going to stop
Being me
The venom won’t change me.
Before you judge
Find your way to the mirror
Envenomate yourself…
And clean up the cat vomit
That’s been encrusted
On your kitchen floor
For almost four months
Take off your judges robe
Lay down your gavel…
You have no right.

***

Lost In Fairytales
November 9, 2013

I saw her for brief moments
A shadow,
Defeated.
She reached out to me
From her darkness
For the one thing
That I knew
To the core of my being
Would not help
But feed the monster
Chasing her.
Sadistically, I’ve been told,
I think I fed this thing.
She denies it.
Lost in a world of
Falsehood and fairytales,
So lost, each story
Blends into the other.
Her confusion is
My confusion.
I don’t understand
The stories anymore.
Contradiction
Manipulation
Playing on my sympathy
I can’t help her
She’s disrupting my path
To my own peace.
Empty promises prevail.
I’ve worked too hard
To let it crumble now.
I knew it would be this way.
But I let it happen
I opened the door…

***

Psychic
November 9, 2013

Who believes in
Fortune-tellers?
Intellect says
It’s all bullshit
But the promise
Of a hopeful future
Touches emotions.
I predicted her future.
No need for a mystical
Gypsy
Or smoke and mirrors.
I knew this would
Happen.
I told her through
Anger, tears, and
Desperation.
She wouldn’t believe me,
I was too invested.
So I waited.
And it all happened.
I wanted to bruise
Her some more
With an “I told you so”,
She came to be so battered
so fragile
Or so I thought.
Was it a disguise?
Why are my psychic abilities
Blocked now?
I can’t detect her
When she’s draining my
Rebuilt soul.

***

13th Step Vampire
November 9, 2013

Alone, scared, broken
She entered
The room.
Veins still burning
From the needle.
All eyes on her,
They smelled her fear,
The fresh blood.
From the shadows
He sees her,
Sits beside her,
With an understanding
Smile.
Brooding, pathetic
Stories
Emanate from his
Twisted past.
Weak, vulnerable,
She feels sorry for him
Disregarding her own
Pain
She sacrifices her
Throat
To the vampire…
In the beginning
She is mesmerized,
Enchanted
Giving her life’s blood
Willingly
Until there’s almost
Nothing left.
He changes, transforms.
The demon he kept
Well-hidden
Has resurfaced
Unleashing fury
On her already
Ravaged existence
Nothing left
No strength to fight
She runs and hides
Inside a bottle of pills.

And it begins again…

***

Regrets
November 10, 2013

It’s been 8 months
Since you left
This existence.
I search the past
For happy moments
We had together.
The happiest
Having coffee together
Sitting in silence
Mirrored mannerisms…
I have your hands
I look at them and
Think of you.
Why did you let yourself
Become so broken
And weak?
Why didn’t you reach
Out for help?
So many people loved
And cared about you
You pushed them away
Until it was too late
We scrambled to your
Side
Unaware of the
Severity
Turmoil ensued,
Painful decisions,
Experienced,
Yet inexperienced.
My knowledge
Fell on deaf ears.
If I could have been
By your side for your
Last breath
I would have bravely,
Unselfishly,
Helped you face the
Unknown
So you could finally
Find your peace.

***

Ghosts
November 10, 2013

They surround me,
The dead.
I can sense them
They come to me
Through flashes of light
In my peripheral vision
They visit me
In my dreams
With cryptic messages
I sometimes
Can’t interpret
I feel them
Watching me
Protecting me.
Somehow, I’m not afraid
They’ve never hurt me
I’ve only been touched once
It was fleeting
I knew who’s spirit
Was responsible
I understood the message.
Do I cling to something
That doesn’t exist?
A story? A legend?
Hope of an eternal life.
I absorb these stories
Like a sponge.
Learning away my skepticism
For the hope
There is another, eternal
Plane of existence.

***

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The Vampires

Posted: January 17, 2013 in Life
Tags: ,

The vampires got her. They lured her in when she was weak and vulnerable. They fed on her until she was turned, until they drained her heart and it became empty. She is one of them now. Lost to the world of the living. She has become the walking dead. Her body is a shell. They’ve filled her with false promises and lies when her mind was too confused NOT to believe them. She is now living in darkness. I tried to fight to save her but somehow I became the enemy. My love alone was not strong enough. I kept her safe for as long as I could until my strength dwindled to almost nothing. My weapons were useless.I was smart enough not to believe the doctrine of their cult but could not convince her that it was all lies to entrap her in their world. Since she’s been gone, she has fallen deeper under their spell. She has been chosen by one of them to be used for whatever is left of her soul. My pain has turned to anger and I cannot get through to her. She doesn’t hear me. She is deaf to my voice now. All I can do is be afraid for her. That she’ll never walk in the sun again. Her once radiant beauty is encrusted with the dirt from the grave to which she must retreat now. It has seeped into her being, made her tainted and replaced the living part of her existance. I have no choice but to let them have her. I have to let her go. Their numbers are too great for me to fight alone. She’s too far gone to turn back to the world of the living. I had hoped at one time she would break away and heal herself but that hope escaped me when I knew one of them had singled her out and completely possessed her with more lies, preying on her sympathies, regailing her with stories of desperation and heartache. She unwittingly fell into the trap and now sees or hears nothing to make her understand that whatever is left of her has been consumed by evil in disguise. I have to let her go before I lose MY soul to this fight. It’s not easy to understand why a person once so good and caring can be turned into a monster like them. Why she would choose to become one of the living dead rather than a human with a heart and soul, I’ll never understand. My hatred for these vampires grows every time I see the emptiness in her eyes. I have to walk away. My heart hurts when I am witness to what they’ve done to her. Her path was chosen by their coersion, their lies, and the twisted wisdom of false prophets. It is not my path. Never was. I choose to remain in the world of the living. I cherish my heart and soul. I choose to walk in the sun.